No Mercy 2005

Thinking of killing some time while waiting for some video editing work to finish processing, I popped in a random WWE DVD. I can’t recall having seen this one before as I wasn’t following wrestling from 2003-2005 and just hadn’t gotten around to watching the actual DVD, even years later.

The show starts off with a now-chilling introduction video package featuring two feuds: Eddie Guerrero/Batista & Undertaker/Orton. Guerrero. Now, before I get into this, let me say that the one 2005 pay-per-view I have watched (other than WrestleMania & The Royal Rumble, of course) was ECW One Night Stand 2005. I always thought that Guerrero had a bit of a ‘vacant’ look about him, like he wasn’t himself and never would be again. Hindsight’s 20/20, and perhaps it was just the character he was trying to play. A few months later, though, this same look was present in this video package that turned out to serve as hype for what would be his final pay-per-view match. Coincidentally, this event was on Guerrero’s birthday.

In this video, a promo was referenced where Guerrero talked about his addictions and problems, which was probably as off-putting then as the Kevin Nash/Scott Hall match at Halloween Havoc was in 1998. Now, it’s even more uncomfortable to see. Shortly after this, the hype for the Undertaker/Randy Orton angle begins. Their match for this event was a casket match. Now WWE had no idea they’d be losing an active member of their roster within less than a month, and even if they did, I can’t say I’d expect them to not still hold a casket match. Afterall, they held THREE in 2008, less than a year after the Benoit Family died.

Anywho… Wrestling. Where was I?

The first match is a 6-person match between Legion of Doom & MNM. It’s ironic that I enjoyed this match because I turned off TNA Impact earlier in the night because I couldn’t take Christy Hemme’s annoying, terrible ring announcing work. I’d like to add, too, that I’ve always liked MNM, even if I’ve strayed far away from the proverbial John Morrison & Melina fan club in the past year or so. They were a great team in a time when WWE appeared to have a good tag division. Also, I don’t have a problem with Heidenreich calling himself a member of L.O.D., but he should have ditched that stupid, robotic arm gesture. Hemme gets the pinfall after heading to the top for a Doomsday Device in this completely solid opener. Road Warrior Animal will always get a pop.

Up next is Bobby Lashley’s pay-per-view debut against Simon Dean. See, this is what was great about the brand split being enforced. You aren’t overrun with title matches and you get to see some pretty useless matches. Wait, that’s a good thing? Yup. Just like squash matches are good on TV, PPV matches for comedic value help break up the monotony and prevent the viewer from getting too burnt out. The freakishly strong Lashley gets the win, as Rick “Sign Guy” Achberger shows various signs in the front row: “Can someone lend Simon a Hand,” and “Simon, Do 10 Sets of Pushups!” I think I saw another that said “Bobby Lashley is BIG.”

Up next is a fatal-four-way match for the United States title. Sharmell comes out to give the introduction for Houston’s own Booker T. Booker is joined by Christian & Orlando Jordan in challenging Chris Benoit for his title. Great match that could have been a solid main event title match without changing a single thing other than the title up for grabs. They made it a point to make Booker & Benoit’s eventual confrontation within the match a big deal, and even the announcers commented on their history in WCW, which I thought was a great touch. The Best of 7 series between Booker T & Chris Benoit was one of the reasons I got hooked on wrestling as a kid in the first place. Benoit wins and Sharmell & Booker T tease a heel turn, likely setting up the path for the eventual ‘King Booker’ gimmick.

Another pay-per-view debut is up next as Mr Kennedy takes on Bob ‘Hardcore’ Holly. This is another match you wouldn’t expect people to pay for but it’s a nice buffer after an intense, show-stealing United States Championship match. Pretty good match that had a lot of questionable moments. At one point, Holly picked up Kennedy and dropped him, and I’m not sure if it was due to frustration of Kennedy not doing something correctly, or if it was just a drop that was part of the match. After Kennedy hit a Green Bay Plunge from the 2nd rope for the pinfall, Holly sold a rib injury. I really couldn’t tell if it was legitimate or not, even after viewing the match a second time. The Green Bay Plunge looks like it’d hurt pretty badly if screwed up, but it looked like Kennedy pulled it off just fine. This was a surprisingly decent match that broke in a green Mr Kennedy.

…Kennedy.

I spoke too soon–Sylvain Grenier jumped Holly after the match, so the injury was a work. If you didn’t want Sylvain on your screen, you’d be relieved to see Simon Dean once again as he works on a platter of hamburgers throughout the night. If you’re sick of him already, like I was, don’t worry. Mr Kennedy’s back for another segment already. That’s right, three of the most boring and/or obnoxious members of the roster all within 5 minutes of each other. And what’s next? Jillian Hall.

It’s unreal how over Rey Mysterio is, was, and probably always will be, despite playing a heel for basically his entire career. (WCW doesn’t count, because did anyone really care about Rey after he lost his mask? Did anyone even know who was a heel around then in WCW? It changed weekly. Sounds familar…) This was an excellent match from two always-solid performers who will undoubtedly have a place in the WWE Hall of Fame one day. Rey Mysterio can have a four-star match with virtually anyone, and John Layfield’s performances as both Bradshaw and his reinvention as JBL are each Hall of Fame worthy separately! Wrestlers get inducted, though, not gimmicks, so he’ll only go in once. Just saying, though, he had a great career. He’s always reminded me of Stan Hansen, who should realistically go in before him, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Hansen didn’t go in at all.

 Anyway, the modern Stan Hansen wins with the Lariat from Hell. Up next is the Casket Match between Undertaker and Randy Orton. …And Bob Orton. Who would pay to see this? Well, I guess it has its old-school appeal to it. I will admit that it appears they did a great job building towards it, using mannequins (or look-alikes?) in caskets as part of the back-and-forth ‘mind games.’

The actual match was exactly what you might expect: a brawl-based gimmick match that the ‘dainty’ Randy Orton didn’t quite ‘fit’ in. Bob Orton, in his street clothes, actually did a pretty good job with the basics, like elbows, back bumps, and helping set the Undertaker up for a slow comeback to wake up the otherwise dead crowd. From a wrestling standpoint, this match was terrible, but from a storytelling standpoint, it was completely effective. I’d imagine this sold pay-per-view buys just as much (if not more) than Batista vs Guerrero did, so I’d call it a success (taking the entire storyline into consideration). The spot of the match might have been the superplex on Undertaker from the Ortons. Bob Orton played up the old-school mentality by going for a pinfall, not understanding these ‘new-fangled gimmick matches. The Ortons got the win in a match that was longer than it needed to be, but given that it was a main event match, the people who paid to see it got what they paid for.

 Naturally, the fun wasn’t over, as the casket was pushed up the ramp and onto a trapdoor so it could be doused with ‘gasoline’ and lit in fire. Cole and Taz sell the gas fumes and cough while the kid in the audience directly behind them looks perfectly fine, and waves his arms at the camera. Why write such ridiculous horse shit that you can’t truly back up? Only the dumbest people in the audience could believe that the Undertaker was actually set on fire.

Up next is a demonstration of World Wrestling Entertainment’s pride and joy: racial stereotyping. The Mexicools (Juventud Guerrera, Psicosis, & Super Crazy) come out on their ride-on lawnmowers as Juventud challenges Nunzio for the Crusierweight Championship. Nunzio, of course, of the F.B.I., the Full-Blooded Italians. Nothing to report here other than the obvious. The Cruiserweight Championship matches stole the show nearly every time they were on pay-per-view, yet they felt the need to phase it out. They really need to bring it back, especially if Sin Cara sticks around. He’s the key to popularizing the division again, just like Rey Mysterio had done. Juvi wins the title here in a great match, and cuts a promo in Spanish afterwards. Love it. Meanwhile, Simon Dean is working on his last burger, and I’m sure everyone viewing at home truly gave a shit.

 It’s main event time, meaning the Cruiserweight Title was a buffer match comparable to the Women’s or Divas’ title in recent years. The match was solid, as one might expect. I know it was always a popular thing in the internet circles to claim that so-and-so ‘carried’ their opponent, but let’s face it: that’s just sour grapes and the reluctance to give someone credit when they finally have a good match with someone. Can working with someone uber-talented improve the match? Of course. But despite what anyone thinks, Batista’s best matches weren’t good because he was ‘carried,’ they were good because he’s not THAT bad, first of all, and because he worked with people who were complimentary to his style. That’s quite different from being ‘carried.’

What we saw in this match was a great blend of Guerrero’s technical prowess meshed with Batista’s raw power. One spot saw Batista lift Guerrero into a bear hug from a mount position, which was pretty impressive. Guerrero worked this match as a heel who wasn’t a heel. Not quite a tweener, not quite a face, not quite a heel. His character going into this match was that of a heel who was having a change of heart (or was he?) and was having conflicts with his conscience and whether to screw over one of his best friends (Batista) or not. After his defeat a the hands of Batista, in a post-match handshake Guerrero seemingly turns face, but… …doesn’t. Batista turns his back and Guerrero smirks. Batista turns back, and the smirk is gone. This match told this story more than effectively and I have to wonder if Guerrero worked a bad match or told a single bad story in the ring in his whole career, because I can’t recall one.

WWE Champion CM Punk & Raw GM John Laurinaitis

It’s finally every wrestling fan’s favorite time of the year, the beginning of the ‘Road to WrestleMania.’ I for one am especially looking forward to this year’s Royal Rumble for a few reasons. This year, WWE has announced that ‘every’ WWE wrestler is eligible for the Royal Rumble. Will this include existing champions? Could the WWE Champion hypothetically win a shot against the World Heavyweight Champion?

A lot of things seem to be revisited in some way this year. In the 2011 Royal Rumble, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan kicked things off right, exciting the crowd, one stiff move after another. William Regal added to the excitement, taking brutal kicks to the chest from Bryan, showing as always that Regal’s British balls are bigger than yours. Fast forward to 2012: CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are WWE’s main event titleholders and are in high-profile storylines, as they should be. The Miz, who was defending WWE Champion at the 2011 event, is now the #1 entrant. Dolph Ziggler reprises his role as a main event title contender, but this time for the WWE Championship.

I expect to see the rebuilding process start on Sunday for The Miz. Believe me, he’ll have a strong showing. He won’t win it, but I expect a good 20-25 minutes for him. His heat has fizzled out but there’s no way they won’t have a plan in mind for last year’s WrestleMania headliner at this year’s big show.

 It’s rumored that some sort of big swerve will happen. Will Punk lose his title and then win the Rumble? Will Bryan do the same? Will they BOTH lose their titles and be the final two duking it out for their WrestleMania rematch? Not likely. I’d love it, and I wouldn’t even be surprised if we saw a brief champion vs champion encounter WITHIN the match, but I don’t see either of them winning it. I don’t see either champion losing their title, either. The swerve we’ll see just might involve ‘The Streak’ as a substitute for a title shot. Whether that means Triple H will finagle his way into the Rumble or that Chris Jericho will win it I do not know.

Hypothetical thought: what if The Rock won it? I mean, he’s eligible, if they’re still technically considering him a ‘WWE Superstar.’ It’d be a terrible idea, and won’t happen, but it’s an interesting thought. Bad for business, though, because they’ll already sell the event fine as it is.

Expect surprises as always. Who to expect? I don’t know. Many are saying Rikishi, Ernest Miller, or others. I’m happy with whatever WWE throws our way. I think some sort of spot with Rikishi & his sons (The Usos) would be great, but that would mean the Usos would be in the Royal Rumble.

You know who I’d like to see? Road Warrior Animal. Maybe this is a bit of a cliché, but if John Laurinaitis pulled some sort of managerial bullshit that un-banned Swagger and Vickie Guerrero from ringside, how fitting would it be for CM Punk to cut a quick promo, remind us that he’s here to ‘make things interesting again,’ and bring in Johnny Ace’s brother as a special outside enforcer? Cheap pop, and it’d be a nice ‘sequel’ to Punk bringing in The Fink as his personal ring announcer.

I predict that I will not even bother watching the Kane vs John Cena match. Don’t care. Don’t care about the match, don’t care about the storyline, don’t care about Kane, and I don’t care about John Cena. In fact, give me another 20-second Divas title match instead, even (I’m talking to you, Royal Rumble 2010).

Aside from this, the card looks great. The Royal Rumble is like pizza. When it’s bad, it’s still good. You can’t screw up a 30-man battle royal no matter how hard you try, WWE. Give us Punk, give us the Funk, and we’ll forget that Kane/Cena has stunk.

When I first watched this, my jaw dropped, because I didn’t think Brodus said “Funky” Chicken. Sounded like something else!

Congratulations, Zack.

I’ll start off by saying that TLC was pretty damn good. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but it continued the recent trend of WWE putting out surprisingly good pay-per-view shows. The internet’s buzzing and gloating thinking that WWE is ‘booking for them,’ leaving John Cena off of the card and putting belts on the independent stars of yesterday. Wrong. Sources say that the million-time world champion was backstage but was not used because they are saving him for Raw so his program with Kane can start/continue. They used the opportunity to focus on other stars and remind WWE fans that Primo is still with the company.

They say the opening match is the 2nd-most important match of the night, and Zack Ryder’s title hunt came to an end to excite a hot crowd. The ‘internet sensation’ captured his first singles title and celebrated with his father, who was sitting in the front row, covered in ‘Broski’ gear, and couldn’t have looked happier if he tried. It was truly a great moment, whether you like Ryder or not. His ‘story’ is a remarkable one.

Up next, Air Boom retained the tag team titles. This match sort of threw the night off for me. Granted, I am NOT a fan of Air Boom at all, but there was something ‘off’ about this match, regardless.

After some awkward PG racism/sexual references between a black Santa Clause and a midget dressed as an elf, Randy Orton took on Wade Barrett in a tables match. I admit, I don’t remember a single thing about this match. Why? Well for starters, Randy Orton hasn’t been memorable since… well, I can’t remember. He was probably the Intercontinental Champion or feuding with legends. Secondly, where are the TAG TEAM gimmick matches? I couldn’t help but think of 3 Minute Warning versus the Dudleys (& Matt Hardy, I think). I don’t particularly like tables matches but I think an elimination-style tag match of any sort has the potential to tell a great story. Instead, we get another Randy Orton match that ends predictably: creative RKO through a table.

After such a great opener, this show headed downhill fast. What was next? Beth Phoenix versus Kelly Kelly. Rock bottom. That’s not a Dwayne Johnson reference, by the way. Forgettable match for a now-forgettable angle. I had high hopes for it a while back but they dropped the ball. Beth retained her title, thankfully.

Triple H and Kevin Nash’s match was up next, and I’ll admit I was intrigued by this. However, can’t say I paid attention to it, because once I saw Kevin Nash’s s l o w walk to the ring, I had to fight the urge to fall asleep. The idea of him wrestling Triple H was just not that appealing to me, I realized. I would have liked to have seen him face CM Punk, but that didn’t happen. Watch it yourself, though, and form your own opinion. A lot of people don’t like Kevin Nash, but a lot of people also don’t have a clue what they’re talking about.

[Sidenote: John Cena's 5 moves of doom are actually 17 signature moves/finishers. Counting never was a strong suit of internet fans.]

Word is, however, that that was Kevin Nash’s retirement match, at least in his own eyes. If that is the case, I’d imagine he gave it 115%, and I will give it a try later. Triple H won and kayfabe-injured Nash to shelf him for at least six weeks (indefinitely).

Another match I can’t say I cared much about was the unannounced Sheamus vs Jack Swagger match. Who won? Who cares? Not I. Sheamus wins, but I can’t in good conscience give a damn about a Jack Thwagger match.

Big Show’s feud with Mark Henry came to an abrupt end after a crappy 5-minute ‘chair match.’ What the hell is a chair match? I ask that every year. Big Show wins, and gets taken out by Mark Henry. Your NEW WORLD CHA-

I would have preferred WrestleMania but I'm relieved that he actually won it.

Your NEW WORLD CHAMPION, Daniel Bryan. That’s right, in a completely shocking moment that no one expected or saw coming a mile away, Daniel Bryan cashed in his Money in the Bank title shot opportunity and ended Big Show’s title reign. Earlier in the night, Big Show claimed he’d win the belt and win his 9-year drought (that long? wow!). That drought was restarted after his two-minute-and-twelve-second reign ended. I was disappointed he didn’t turn heel on Bryan. He looked ‘uncomfortable,’ but barely agitated by the fact that he was robbed. He might as well have been John Cena, goofily shrugging off his 10th Rock Bottom (actually a Dwayne Johnson reference). We’ll see what happens on Raw, though.

Next up was Cody Rhodes versus Booker T. Enjoyable match, to be honest, and it was great to see Booker T in action again, putting over one of WWE’s hottest young heels. Cody Rhodes retains and is still on fire with his run as the [Classic] Intercontinental Champion.

I don’t have a whole lot to say about the main event other than that I am a fan of all three participants. It was a great match, and there were a few interesting spots. Punk was handcuffed to the turnbuckle at one point and he removed the turnbuckle with his bare hands, which was completely unrealistic, but I’m willing to let it slide, WWE. It was a solid match and all three should be commended, but Ricardo Rodriguez was the MVP of the night. Rodriguez took a Bubba Ray / Jeff Hardy bump (pushed off the top of a ladder from the ring, onto tables at ringside) and he’s only a ‘ring announcer!’ I mean, I realize he’s a wrestler, and a more-than-competent one, but considering he wasn’t even IN the match, he has my absolute respect for taking that bump. He did his part to contribute in trying to make that match better than it was, taking a big risk, even though he personally didn’t stand to gain anything from doing it. I think we’ll see the end of the Punk-Del Rio feud very soon, but it’s been great, to be honest, and Rodriguez has added a lot of great detail to it.

Overall, not an amazing event, but it had enough feel-good moments to rank it as above-average. I don’t think the lack of John Cena made the show any better or worse, either. It did create an opportunity for Primo to be on pay-per-view for once, but it still felt like there was a lot of ‘filler’ on the card. I guess that is to be expected when Big Show & Mark Henry’s match was so short. Word is that Mark Henry was injured during his match with John Cena on Raw, so they took the belt off of him. It makes sense for Big Show to be the last champion before Bryan, because he has claim to a rematch, and a new program is immediately set up. The short reigns take a giant dump on the title’s prestige, but business is business and all that really matters is having a plan in place for “next week’s show.”

Bobby Heenan wants YOU... to wish him a Happy Birthday. ...humanoid.

WWE Hall of Famer Bobby Heenan turns 67 today. Included after the jump are some memorable Heenan clips.

 It’s Halloween, woop-dee-doo. I don’t usually buy into holiday nonsense, but a post over at Feminine Smark inspired me. I didn’t realize it until now, but Halloween Havoc 1998 showcased a few of my absolute FAVORITE wrestling moments as a kid. Sting vs Bret Hart was a dream match for me (Sharpshooter vs Scorpion Deathlock?!) and the thought of it still gives me wrestling-mark-goosebumps. I recall Diamond Dallas Page vs Bill Goldberg being a huge deal as well. Face vs face, the people’s champ vs the unbeaten Goldberg. Diamond Dallas Page was the type to never quit or give up at any cost, and Goldberg was an unstoppable force. This match pretty much sold itself.

As if these two  marquee match-ups didn’t sell the event on their own, we also had “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan versus old rival The Ultimate Warrior. This match has since become a punchline and it’s the first thing people think of when Halloween Havoc 1998 is mentioned, sadly. I didn’t even realize Bret-Sting and DDP-Goldberg were on the same event, either! It’s hard to say who is to blame for that but it’s not really necessary to blame anyone. It was an attempt to cash in on something well-known, even if many years had passed. We all know Bischoff is known to do that from time to time. It’s hard to blame him for trying, and I don’t think it would be treated with such disregard had the flash-paper incident not happened. It was all a questionable storyline at best but I’m sure plenty of people bought the pay-per-view to see Warrior in action. I for one have never been a fan of Ultimate Warrior, and probably never will be. However, as much as I’d like to pin this train wreck on him, I just can’t.

Oh, BROTHER...

Speaking of questionable storylines, the card also showcased Scott Hall versus Kevin Nash. WCW exploited Scott Hall’s alcoholism and turned it into a storyline. Brilliant! I remember having a really uncomfortable feeling about this as a kid, thinking it was real, all while knowing that 99% of things in wrestling are part of the show. Kudos for them for the realism, I guess, but shame on them for that kind of realism. This might have been the beginning of a long line of bad ideas from WCW. Alcoholism aside, Nash vs Hall had a great deal of history, and it was a big deal.

Earlier in the card, we saw Disco Inferno vs Juventud Guerrera and Disco Inferno vs Billy Kidman. Disco defeated Juventud to get a title shot. Why not Juvi…? Disco Inferno, wrestling twice on pay-per-view? Really? Perry Saturn vs LODI? Really? The pay-per-view ran late, probably because there was a ton of filler. WCW was always stellar at booking & promoting their main event feuds, but their midcard storylines were a jumbled, second-rate mess. It’s a shame, too, because this is where all of ‘tomorrow’s’ talent was. Had they paid more attention to these guys, WCW might have lasted and still been around today.

I think the main reason I remember this pay-per-view was Goldberg vs DDP, though. Because of the show running so late, several thousand people lost the live feed at 11 pm, and missed the title match. WCW aired it for free on Nitro the next night. Honestly, I believe this was intentional. Bischoff is still doing these terrible bait-and-switch tactics today in TNA, and I strongly feel that this was intentional. Otherwise, you can’t honestly expect to show 11 matches on one show, with entrances and corny post-match shenanigans, when most of the headliners would be at least 12-15 minutes long.

I don’t have much else to say without getting even more frustrated about the way this show was pieced together, but it’s worth checking out for the nostalgia-fest and one or two of the midcard features like Raven vs Chris Jericho.

What did you think of this event? As a kid? How about now? Speak to me, Warriors…

WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio makes his entrance with style.

The WWE Champion assesses the damage. The match will still happen.

John Cena makes his entrance, sporting new attire.

No caption needed.

The challenger enters the destroyed ring for the main event.

Cena Adjusts Del Rio's Attitude through the Spanish announcers' table.

Awesome Truth interrupts the match and lays out Cena.

The challenger is down for the count!

No--he makes it to his feet.

Del Rio re-enters to attempt to finish the job.

Del Rio lays Cena out for good with the WWE Championship belt.

Still WWE Champion after a phenomenal show, Alberto Del Rio.

World's Strongest Heavyweight Champion.

Mark Henry and the Big Show steal the show, with authority.

Two behemoths collide with clotheslines-in-stereo.

Mark Henry isn't the only strongman in this match.

The ring collapses from the weight of the largest suplex in WWE history.

Bouth are down for the count and the match is ruled a draw.

Rhodes is on fire in 2011.

Rhodes hits a great top-rope moonsault on a standing Orton.

And a Cross-Rhodes.

The Viper hits an RKO for the win.

Punk being Punk.

Old school meets new school as the face team uses classic heel tag tactics.

CM Punk reaches for the tag.

CM Punk gets the hot tag and flies.

Punk readies a Macho Man Elbow Drop.

Punk taunts his prey.

Meanwhile...Kevin Nash strikes, costing Punk & Triple H the match.

Christian goes blow-for-blow with Sheamus.

Christian lands a hurricanrana on Sheamus.

Christian gets ready to spear Sheamus...

...but he runs into a Brogue Kick!