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July 13, 2010

WWE Raw July 12 2010: John Cena and Sheamus join forces

Rivals John Cena & Sheamus teamed up on Raw.

On WWE Raw, John Cena reminds Sheamus that his viewing is impaired.

Rivals John Cena & Sheamus teamed up on WWE Raw. This picture isn’t from that show. Sue me.

WWE Raw Review: John Cena & Sheamus team up to close July 12 2010 episode

I did it, I managed to sit through most of another episode of The John Cena Show, more commonly known as WWE Raw. Much to my surprise, it wasn’t all that bad, for once. However, I do believe I deserve a medal, a cookie, the Intercontinental Championship, or a TNA contract for my efforts.

WWE decided to mix things up, and showed the WWE Universe that the anonymous GM has a rather unique vision for certain titles.

As a way of reprimanding Alicia Fox for her shady tactics in a previous match against Eve Torres, Fox was added to the main event, making it a six-on-two intergender handicap match. The icing on the cake: the winner of the pinfall wins the Divas Championship. Smarks around the world grunted in disbelief, knowing John Cena was getting yet another shot at a WWE belt, but the world kept watching.

The match went just as expected, with Super Cena overcoming all odds and gaining the pinfall victory.

Your new WWE Divas champion: John Cena.

Come on, this is pretty awesome. You laughed; admit it.

This obviously didn’t happen, but I saw this picture pop up on a message board and wanted an excuse to use it. I don’t know who made it, so if it’s yours, let me know and I’ll gladly give credit.

This might as well have happened, however, to fit in with the asinine “Santino’s Bunch” segment with guest host Florence Henderson.


Well, that’s a rhetorical ‘who.’ My point is, the guest host gimmick is bringing us so many outdated and irrelevant ‘celebrities’ that every week can be met with a ‘who?’ response similar to the inquisitive responses to promos late in Stone Cold Steve Austin’s career.

To be fair, the video package was pretty funny, and Henderson getting the punjab-lip-lock from the Great Khali was pretty funny. But.. what am I saying. Get this crap off of my rasslin’ show!

There was some good ‘rasslin’ to be seen, though. I skipped through a lot because I watched it at like 3 AM and quite frankly care about Raw about as much as wrestling fans care about Florence Henderson.

That’s the guest host garbage for ya.

Match results for WWE Raw, July 12 2010:

  • Alicia Fox def. Gail Kim
  • The Usos & Tamina def. The Hart Dynasty
  • John Morrison did yet another crappy promo, ‘scuffled’ with Ted DiBiase
  • Edgedef. Randy Orton
  • The Miz and Mark Henry fought to a No Contest
  • “The Santino Bunch” def. “The Regal Bunch”
  • The Nexus def. John Cena (told you I lied.)

My Take on this episode of WWE Raw:

Randy Orton’s match with Edge ended with a few run-ins from other participants of the Money in the Bank Ladder match. After everyone had their turn doing their finishing manuevers, little Evan Bourne tried his, but got PWNED with one of the greatest RKOs of all-time. And yes, in the interest of maintaining a respectable level of professionalism, I made the careful decision that PWNED was an adequate way of describing Bourne’s demise.

I’m not going to say much about the rest of the show because it wasn’t anything to “blog home” about, so if you’re looking for a detailed review, check out the one on WrestleScoop. However, the main event was solid. All things considered. I would really like to see Wade Barrett or another Nexus member in a straight-up one-on-one match, but for now I suppose this will do. After all, the only way Cena loses is versus five or more people.

Surprisingly, DJ Gabriel won this one. Errm, I mean Justin Gabriel. Seriously, every time I look at him I think “DJ Gabriel,” even though I know it’s wrong. Gabriel with the 450 Splash. Nexus tries to jump Cena, Cena ducks out and grabs a chair. Nexus surrounds the ring to corner Cena anyway, and everyone’s favorite chair-swinging jar of mayonnaise runs out.

WWE Money in the Bank 2010:

I’m looking forward to the pay-per-view, which I will fast-forward through just to see the end of the Raw cage match. The entire card looks like garbage to me, and what would normally be the least appealing match to me will become the most appealing, only to see what a gang of rookies will do.

Given that I don’t really care about this pay-per-view, I won’t do an individual post for it. Here are my picks for WWE Money in the Bank 2010.

  • Alicia Fox vs Eve Torres (Divas Championship)
    • Fox. Don’t care. It’s for a shiny butterfly.
  • Layla vs Kelly Kelly (Women’s Championship)
    • If Michelle McCool is at ringside, I’ll care. And pick Layla.
  • Hart Dynasty vs The Usos (Unified Tag Championship)
    • This angle is decent, but The Usos are too new to hold championships. Usos… Ugh.
  • Raw Money in the Bank: Edge vs Randy Orton vs Chris Jericho vs Bourne vs DiBiase vs The Miz vs John Morrison vs Mark Henry
    • I’m going to say “Blandy” Orton, but my ‘dark horse’ pick would be The Miz, honorable mention to Evan Bourne.
  • Smackdown Money in the Bank: Big Show, Rhodes, Christian, Matt Hardy, Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre
    • McIntyre, whom I loathe. Dark horse pick goes to Christian, honorable mention to Dolph Ziggler.
  • Rey Mysterio vs Swagger (World Heavyweight Championship)
    • Mysterio… Is it possible for a finishing manuever to hold a championship? If so, then I pick the Ankle Lock. Afterall, it’s far more over than Jack Swagger is.
  • Sheamus vs John Cena: Steel Cage match for WWE Championship
    • Sheamus steals it amidst a Nexus scuffle. Nexus and Cena in the cage, with the rest of the roster trapped outside. Sheamus looks on, grinning, but the cage is raised…by…whoever was the Money in the Bank winner!

What did you think of WWE Raw this week, and what are your picks for WWE Money in the Bank 2010?

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