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January 27, 2012

My thoughts before the 2012 WWE Royal Rumble

WWE Champion CM Punk & Raw GM John Laurinaitis

CM Punk & John Laurinaitis

My thoughts before the 2012 WWE Royal Rumble

It’s finally every wrestling fan’s favorite time of the year, the beginning of the ‘Road to WrestleMania.’ I for one am especially looking forward to this year’s Royal Rumble for a few reasons. This year, WWE has announced that ‘every’ WWE wrestler is eligible for the Royal Rumble. Will this include existing champions? Could the WWE Champion hypothetically win a shot against the World Heavyweight Champion?

A lot of things seem to be revisited in some way this year. In the 2011 Royal Rumble, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan kicked things off right, exciting the crowd, one stiff move after another. William Regal added to the excitement, taking brutal kicks to the chest from Bryan, showing as always that Regal’s British balls are bigger than yours. Fast forward to 2012: CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are WWE’s main event titleholders and are in high-profile storylines, as they should be. The Miz, who was defending WWE Champion at the 2011 event, is now the #1 entrant. Dolph Ziggler reprises his role as a main event title contender, but this time for the WWE Championship.

I expect to see the rebuilding process start on Sunday for The Miz. Believe me, he’ll have a strong showing. He won’t win it, but I expect a good 20-25 minutes for him. His heat has fizzled out but there’s no way they won’t have a plan in mind for last year’s WrestleMania headliner at this year’s big show.

 It’s rumored that some sort of big swerve will happen. Will Punk lose his title and then win the Rumble? Will Bryan do the same? Will they BOTH lose their titles and be the final two duking it out for their WrestleMania rematch? Not likely. I’d love it, and I wouldn’t even be surprised if we saw a brief champion vs champion encounter WITHIN the match, but I don’t see either of them winning it. I don’t see either champion losing their title, either. The swerve we’ll see just might involve ‘The Streak’ as a substitute for a title shot. Whether that means Triple H will finagle his way into the Rumble or that Chris Jericho will win it I do not know.

Hypothetical thought: what if The Rock won it? I mean, he’s eligible, if they’re still technically considering him a ‘WWE Superstar.’ It’d be a terrible idea, and won’t happen, but it’s an interesting thought. Bad for business, though, because they’ll already sell the event fine as it is.

Expect surprises as always. Who to expect? I don’t know. Many are saying Rikishi, Ernest Miller, or others. I’m happy with whatever WWE throws our way. I think some sort of spot with Rikishi & his sons (The Usos) would be great, but that would mean the Usos would be in the Royal Rumble.

You know who I’d like to see? Road Warrior Animal. Maybe this is a bit of a cliché, but if John Laurinaitis pulled some sort of managerial bullshit that un-banned Swagger and Vickie Guerrero from ringside, how fitting would it be for CM Punk to cut a quick promo, remind us that he’s here to ‘make things interesting again,’ and bring in Johnny Ace’s brother as a special outside enforcer? Cheap pop, and it’d be a nice ‘sequel’ to Punk bringing in The Fink as his personal ring announcer.

I predict that I will not even bother watching the Kane vs John Cena match. Don’t care. Don’t care about the match, don’t care about the storyline, don’t care about Kane, and I don’t care about John Cena. In fact, give me another 20-second Divas title match instead, even (I’m talking to you, Royal Rumble 2010).

Aside from this, the card looks great. The Royal Rumble is like pizza. When it’s bad, it’s still good. You can’t screw up a 30-man battle royal no matter how hard you try, WWE. Give us Punk, give us the Funk, and we’ll forget that Kane/Cena has stunk.

When I first watched this, my jaw dropped, because I didn’t think Brodus said “Funky” Chicken. Sounded like something else!


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